Not only does it “take a village to raise a child”, it sometimes also takes a village to help someone get through a traumatic experience, tough time etc.. I am lucky enough to have the best village in the world. I only hope that others are as lucky as I have been to have people in their lives that support them in hard times. Those who have been there for me are so important in my life.

I feel like I should recognize those who have been there for me…

1. My next-door neighbors who are also my amazing friends. I don’t know what I would have done without them the night that it happened. They were by my side every minute. I am sure it was horrible for them but they didn’t show it. They were only there to support me. And not just that night – they have done so much for me ever since Howie died. I once called Steve in hysterics while he was watching a football game. My sump pump broke (I had no idea what a sump pump even was) and was flooding my basement. He came running over to help me. I am so thankful that years ago I told them about the house next door to me that was for sale. I am even happier that they bought it. Best neighbors in the world!

2. My parents who came running from Long Island to be with me the night it happened, and stayed for a week to help us. My father was obsessed with getting an alarm installed in my house and having my garage cleaned out. This annoyed me but he was right to be obsessed. I am so thankful to put my car in the garage, especially in the winter, and to be able to set the alarm at night.  They have also been there for me ever since. Even at 50, sometimes it helps to hear your mom’s voice.

3. My sister and her family who also stayed every night the first week. I am sure it wasn’t easy with two little kids. I know my sister is always there for me and supports me in everything I do. She also keeps Howie’s memory alive for my niece and nephew, which I so appreciate.

4. My in-laws who have gone through hell themselves. I can’t imagine how hard this has been for them, but they are always there for the girls and I. They are soooo helpful to us in so many ways.  Just last week I called my father in law because Amanda had a little “fender bender”. He was right there to take her to the collision place to get an estimate.  I am really so grateful to have them.

5. My understanding friend who always gets what the girls and I are going through.  I believe she came into my life so many years ago for a reason. Her father passed away when she was  12 (same age that Amanda was). She just “gets it” in a way that someone who hasn’t been there cannot. I also have to add her mom – who came to talk to me in the beginning and told me her story.  I remember so much of what she said back then and little bits and pieces of it help me all the time.

6. My best friend who walked into my house late that night after we got home from the hospital. She just cleaned the dishes that had been sitting out when it happened. She also called the funeral home and started making arrangements while I was in shock and still didn’t realize what was going on. We have been friends since second grade. I don’t know what I would have done without her these past years, and actually my whole life! We have been through everything together.

7. Howie’s extended family who keep us in their lives. I am so happy that we are still cared about and included. Especially a few wonderful cousins who have made sure that my girls have nicer pocketbooks than their mother, and that Amanda got the most beautiful prom dress!

8. My aunt, who even though I don’t see that often, always seems to understand me. Probably because her mom (my grandmother) also lost her husband (my grandfather) at a young age and she remembers what she went through. And she never gets mad when I don’t call!

9. Howie’s friends who have also kept me in their lives. They have been among those who have been there for me, each in their own way. They have honestly helped me through a lot of things that I might not have been able to handle on my own. Howie loved his “boys” and I understand why.

10. All of my “old friends“. These friends I have known most of my life and I know they would do anything for me, as I would for them. What they have done most is make me smile and laugh when we see each other. It’s almost as if I am 16 again when we are together and I can forget my problems just a little. I am so thankful that we all have this special bond.

11. All of my “local friends“.  They celebrate my birthdays with me, meet me for lunch, dinner, coffee, call, text, etc. and have just stayed my friends where others might have run away. They have driven my carpools when I couldn’t, taken my kids when needed, and are just there for me in general. People can say what they want about my town but there are amazing people in it.

12. The person in my life who stuck around when others would have disappeared. He has had more patience than I deserved sometimes. We probably met a little too early for me and I just “wasn’t ready” yet. I realized that I was ready almost a little too late – but I am glad that I did realize it and now I am happy that it seems to all be working out.

13. Don’t laugh – my dog. I think those with pets might understand this a little. He has brought a sense of happiness back into our house that might not be there otherwise. He makes the three of us smile everyday – and some days that is very needed.

14. Most importantly my daughters. They are the light of my life and my reason to be happy. They help me as much as I help them and I love them both more than anything.

I have just read this entire post back to myself and it might sound a little like I am accepting some kind of award that I haven’t received. I just wanted to acknowledge those who have been there for me for so long, and even if I don’t say it often, I am so very appreciative. That being said – I would now like to thank the Academy……..well I can dream can’t I?

Stacy Feintuch

Stacy was a stay-at-home mom/part-time preschool teacher whose life was turned upside down in 2011 when her husband passed away suddenly of a heart attack.  She is raising her two fabulous daughters, now ages 18 and 20, who are turning into wonderful young women.  In 2016, she started a blog about her experience as a young widow, The Widow Wears Pink. This led her to write for other publications including Huffington Post, Today.com, Scary Mommy, Grown & Flown, Kveller, Modern Loss, Thought Catalog, and many more. In 2018 she started Living the Second Act with fellow writer Mimi Golub. Today, Stacy and her daughters  are happily living their “new normal” while always keeping her husband’s spirit alive.