I don’t do relationships. Period. I enjoy the chase and the capture but, once achieved, I am onto the next. A few dates are fine, but a long-term relationship? Definitely not. I wore my red-flag detector on every past date, looking for the smallest item to trigger the flashing lights and a reason to intangibly strip search my latest conquest for reasons to hit the fail button and send him packing. I had built the perfect, impenetrable, impermeable JDLSS (Janie Davis Lane Security System.) One crooked tooth, one off-tune guffaw or one outfit mishap was all it took. The JDLSS was a fine-tuned system that had taken years to perfect and it never failed. Until now.
Suddenly, and without warning, Mr. Right/Mr. Night in Shining Armor, walked right through the JDLSS detector undetected. He kissed me and suddenly my self-built security system began to disintegrate all around me.
I quickly grasped for my backup system wand (also known as my judgmental brain.) I waved it left and right and from top to bottom, but to no avail. I waited for the audible tone; the flashing lights; the hair-raising vibrations. I was searching for a reason to not let this man proceed any further. Instead, with each and every moment we spent together I was able to open up, to share things I’ve never shared, even with my closest girlfriends. I missed him when we were apart. I felt butterflies when he texted me – no matter what the content. He had me at “ding.”
Taken by surprise, I expected that his one kiss would be like all the others before him, with maybe a few more kisses to follow. And then I would find my exit strategy and move on. On more than one attempt, I tried to find a reason to bail, but failed every time. I could not find the slightest hint of a red flag, even one standing at half-mast. Was my detector broken?
I told others that I wanted to be in a relationship, but deep down I didn’t really believe my own words. It was just lip service because I never imagined that a second chance at true love was possible. I definitely didn’t think I would ever feel so passionately again about someone I now want to be with for the foreseeable long-term. Talk about a bombshell! I didn’t see this one coming. Until Mr. Knight in Shining Armor waltzed into my life, I didn’t believe there was someone out there suited just for me.
I want to share everything with him, the exact opposite of my past behavior. I kept everything inside, and steered clear of emotional expression. I feared that I would become vulnerable, to be ridiculed, judged or disappointed. It is different with him. I can’t wait to share the silliest text messages between me and my girlfriends, or my worries about my father’s ailing health or circumstances surrounding my children. He makes me feel safe, cared for and supported.
In his presence, I am constantly happy. I have not belly-laughed as much as I have in the past few weeks in many years. There are times that I chuckle so loudly, I have to suppress a snort – not sure he’s quite ready for that yet. If I’m having a bad day, the thought of seeing him later in the evening brings a perpetual smile to my face.
For the first time since countless horrible relationships before, I feel like a priority not an option. He wants me to be happy. He wants to spend time with me. He has cooked for me on several occasions and although it’s hard for me to just sit casually and watch him work his magic in the kitchen, I love that he wants me to relax, watch, and just be in the same room as him. He thinks he’s just making dinner. What he doesn’t know is that with every stir, chop, slice, and dice, the pitter-patter in my heart grows bigger.
It wasn’t love at first sight. It wasn’t even lust at first sight. I loved being in his company and I fell hard for his personality, but the physical attraction, that was definitely not there initially. It crept in slowly. The relationship timeline was deliberate, well thought out, and gradual. Mr. Knight in Shining Armor knew exactly what he was doing. We started off as virtual strangers, saying hello in passing or striking up the simplest of conversations. Eventually we progressed to a platonic friendship, which lead to where we are today; me falling for the total package.
I fell in love with the way he speaks and when he talks to me, the sound of his voice makes me shudder.
I fell in love with the way he whispers in my ear when we make love. I fell in love with the way he touches me. Just laying a finger on my arm, my hand, my cheek, sends an electrifying quiver up and down my entire body. I fell in love with his physical attributes, his smile, his morning coffee routine and the way he corrects my silly vocabulary mistakes.
It began with an unsuspecting kiss from a friend who then swept me off my feet. He seamlessly entered and exited the JDLSS without even the slightest threat detection. And here I am, falling in love with my Mr. Knight in Shining Armor.