Getting a match on a dating swipe site is not that difficult. Taking it to the next level is a completely different story. After getting some matches, I like to review the profiles and delete the ones that shouldn’t have made it through because I was either pre-occupied or feeling a bit lonely at the time. Now that I am in a clear state of mind, I realize my mistake.
Some dating sites require the girl to respond first. If that’s the case, I’ll write something simple to get the conversation started, Hi Steve. How are you? I tend not to be chatty in these initial texts. I am wonderingif a date is even a possibility, based on geography and the way he answers. If he responds at all.
Here are a few scenarios from my experiences:
1) He thinks we are a perfect match based on my meager profile. He seems ready to propose. Hi Wendy. I love your pictures. You look amazing. You are just my type. I can tell you are really down to earth and a great mom! I think we have a lot incommon and could really be a great match. I’m looking for a serious relationship. I would love to take you to dinner. Can I call you?
In theory this sounds like what every girl is looking for, but it is a little too much, too soon for me. How can he possibly know we have a lot in common or that I’m down to earth or a great mom, when he knows nothing about me? Of course I am all of those things, but he doesn’t know that yet. He is basing his conclusion on the five pictures I posted and the limited information that appears on my profile. I tell myself that I will respond later and give him a chance. But I never do.
2) He keeps responding to my questions with one-word answers and never actually asks me a question. I no longer respond because I don’t feel like having a one-way conversation.
Me: Hey Steve. How are you?
Steve: Hi Wendy
Me: (Ok I’ll try this again) Hey Steve. Where do you live?
Steve: New York
Me: (one more try) Do you have kids?
Steve: 2 boys
A week later
Steve: Hey where’d you go?
Me: (Where’d I go?? To find a conversation!! I’m done!)
3) Location, Location, Location
Me: Hey Steve, where do you live?
Steve: I live in Denver but I was in NY this week for Business. I’d love to meet next time I’m in NY.
Me: (Do I even need to respond? Why are you swiping in NY if you don’t live here?!)
I do not mind traveling for a date, but not on a plane. (Although.. I have done that, but that is a story for another time)
4) He seems like a great guy. He responds quicklyand asks questions. I write a few times back and forth but then want to move from texting to a plan to get together. He seems to just want to be a pen paland never asks me to get together.
Me: Hi Steve. How’s your day going?
Steve: Hi Wendy. My day is great, Just finishing up at work. How is your day? Where do you live?
Me: My day is great. I’m busy at work but TGIF. I live in New Jersey
(Our kids are similar ages, his brother went to my college, we like the same music.)
Steve: Any big plans for the weekend?
Me: Nothing crazy, just trying to get some stuff done around the house. Hoping to get out and enjoy the beautiful weather. How about you? (In other words,I am available this weekend to get together.)
(No response. Four days later…)
Steve: How was your weekend?
Me: My weekend was great!
(OK let me push this along)
Me: I’d love to get together for a drink. Let me know if you are interested.
Steve: That sounds great, can you give me your number?
(I give him my number but don’t hear from him.)
A couple of weeks later he writes me on the site (not my cell phone)
Steve: Hey how are you?”
Me: (I’m done! Delete)
5) I have little patience for the nonsense but sometimes it just flows and the timing is just right.
Me: Hi Steve. How are you?
Steve: Hi Wendy! I’m great. Love your pics. How are you?
Me: I’m good thank you! Where do you live?
Steve: I live in New York. Where are you?
Me: I live in Jersey. How tall are you? (always one of my first questions because I like my heels.)
Steve: I have a daughter in college and a son in high school. I am actually heading out to visit my daughter this weekend. I’m 5’11. I’d love to chat more and possibly meet for a drink. Can I call you after the weekend?
And THAT’S how it is done! I am meeting him Tuesday…
Wendy works as a marketing analyst for a commercial real estate firm. She is a divorced mom of two teenage daughters, who is soon to be an empty nester as her younger daughter goes off to college. After sharing all of her crazy dating experiences with her friends over the years, they have finally convinced her to write them down and share them with the world. Wendy believes one day she will find her perfect match and is enjoying the crazy ride until then.
