Last night there was no sleep to be had; I simply could not shut my mind up. You know that feeling when you wake up like a shot, mind alert, heart pounding? It’s not unusual for me, but it is annoying and all encompassing. For some, sleeping just gets harder as you age. For others, it’s anxiety that keeps them up.

The whirring of your brain, the endless berating thoughts, the scanning of all I did or said that day. Was that ok? Did I do anything stupid? Oh my god, how could I have done, said, thought, written that? A never-ending loop, whipping around in my head, winding me up faster and faster like a spinning top.

                I’ve always had trouble sleeping

I’ve had trouble sleeping all of my life. When I was a little kid it was hard for me to fall asleep. So I started rolling and rocking back and forth on my bed, fists clenched so if there was a “bad man” after me, I would punch him, even if I was asleep. It turns out that rocking and swaying is a great calming mechanism for kids. I was just a little ahead of my time!

Later, in college I used to listen to classical or piano music—George Winston usually—and I could drift off to that (shout out to my college roommate!). I still do that sometimes; the soothing notes roll over me and help me relax. Recently, with all the talk about mindfulness, I’ve been trying different techniques like, you know, breathing. OK, it’s not exactly new, in fact, it’s been used for centuries in yoga and Buddhism; but it does help.

Controlled breathing and mindfulness usually helps

Let’s try it: deep breath in through the belly to the count of four, hold for a count or two and breathe out through your mouth to the count of four again. Repeat this four times. Controlled breathing, like what you just practiced, reduces stress, increases alertness and boosts your immune system. Science is providing evidence that the benefits of this ancient practice are real. Studies have found, for example, that breathing practices can help reduce symptoms associated with anxiety, insomnia, post-traumatic stress disorder, depression and attention deficit disorder. In simple terms when you breathe deeply, your nervous system—which controls unconscious processes such as heart rate, digestion and the body’s stress response—calms down and slows everything down.

Another technique I learned recently was to take a moment and engage my senses; pick out few things I can see, hear, smell and feel. This grounds me, it makes me focus on the here and now—not the “what ifs”. For instance, if I’m outside, I can notice the chirping birds, the colors of flowers or the sound of the wind. It forces me to take a pause, distracts me from whatever my brain has been gnawing on and then I can focus back on my breath. If I am busy noticing things around me, I can’t also stress out at the same time.

At night, another trick that helps is listening to something steady—rain, a white noise or my husband’s heartbeat—and tuning in to it consciously. When stressful thoughts drift into my head, I try to acknowledge them for what they are and then move on, divert myself back to the steady sound of his heartbeat. Other times, I just stretch my foot out to touch his, another way of grounding and soothing me. If he’s not there or if that doesn’t work, I have been known to focus on my dog’s breathing or if he’s on the foot of my bed feeling the warmth of him on my feet.

But last night, none of that helped

But, last night none of those helped me. What finally did the trick was something my parents taught me a million years ago. I ran my finger up and down my arm. That’s all. I simply traced my finger along my hand and slowly up my arm, towards the elbow, feeling the tingles. In mindfulness it’s sometimes called the Car Wash and is a type of sensory meditation often used on children if they are anxious or riled up.

It works: I closed my eyes, focused on the sensations, and drifted off to sleep.

Dana Baker is a parent and teen coach, a writer and a not-so-perfect mom of two great kids.  She offers a non judgmental ear and real life observations and advice that help you navigate the up, the downs and the downright uglies of parenting. Her insightful ness comes with a good dose of humor and the simple recognition that no matter how hard we may try, none of us is a perfect parent.