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From D-Rock:

Do you find that most people misrepresent their online profiles and, if so, what are the most common misrepresentations that you see?

Wendy Says:

Dear D Rock,

I personally have not come across a lot of lies on profiles (that I am aware of). But, I do hear complaints all the time about people who don’t look like their pictures or that people lie about their age. I’m not sure why someone would lie. If your pictures are old or you are older than you state, you will be discovered as soon as you meet this person. Never, in the history of dating have I ever heard someone say, “She was about 10 years older than she looked in her pics but once we sat down and talked she was so great that I didn’t care”. As far as lies that are not easily detected on a first date,  I guess that is what dating is for – to get to know someone. People can tell you whatever they want about themselves, and they may actually believe what they are telling you, but until you date someone for a while and really get to know them you won’t know what is true and what is a lie. My advice is to just enjoy the ride. Just because someone may not be “the one” doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy their company while you try to figure it out. If you DO find out someone had lied to you, they WILL lie again. Time to move on.

Wendy

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From Anonymous:

Hi Wendy –

I’m divorced for several years and in my mid fifties. I still have teenagers at home. I tried online dating and have dated a few men who weren’t right for me. I’m currently looking for work and I feel like I don’t have the time or interest in dating right now. I first need to get my own life in order. One of the men I had been dating in the past keeps coming in and out of my life, partly because I’ve texted him occasionally in the past. I don’t trust him as he has trouble making plans, whenever I see him its very spontaneous and last minute, he has stood me up after making plans, and only calls and shows up when he wants help with something. He recently reappeared and I keep texting him, returning his calls and trying to help him. I’m not sure why I can’t stop responding. Should I just keep communicating with him, should I talk to him about it, or should I try to stop responding and disappear?

Wendy Says:

Dear Anonymous.

I think it’s great that you are trying to get your life together.  It’s never too late to start over, to start your second act. That should be your priority right now. This guy is dragging you down. It is clearly not going anywhere. You can either just stop responding or tell him that you can’t see him anymore. If he keeps reaching out, block his calls and texts and move on. Don’t worry how you should break it to him, concentrate on moving forward.   You need to take control of the situation and stop letting him have control.  It’s time to concentrate on you!  Put all of your energy into your kids and finding the right career that will make you happy and give you financial freedom.  Take yourself off of the dating sites for now. Once your job is secure, and hopefully one that you love, you will feel better about yourself and will expect more from the guys that you are dating. Right now take some time for yourself. Enjoy your free time with your kids and your friends. Get back to or find something that you are passionate about.  When you do go back to dating you will have a fresh start and be excited and ready for it, and enjoy it.   We all need a break once in a while. Good luck in your job search.

Wendy

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From Trip Troubles:

Hi Wendy –

When my boyfriend and I are out of town, even at his second home out of town,he turns into an asshole. It’s like he’s allergic to any air other than CO.

Wendy Says:

Dear Trip Troubles –

Thank you for writing.  I can’t even try to guess why he is acting different when you go away. If he is great all other times except when you travel and you potentially see a future with him then ask him. But not in an aggressive way, or he may get defensive.  Wait until you get home and have a talk about it. Tell him you are concerned or worried about him. There must be something stressing him out. Is it money? A bad memory of the place? Stress about taking off of work? If he isn’t willing to talk to you and have an open conversation about it, then he is probably no going to be willing to have an open conversation about other things in the future. That would be a red flag. But, you may find that he does want to talk about it, and it probably has nothing to do with you. Keep the lines of communication open and you can get through this and hopefully have lots of great trips together in the future. Maybe even a trip down the aisle! 😉

Wendy

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