Buzz-buzz.  We all know that familiar sound when you receive a text. You look down at your phone in anticipation that someone has something interesting to say. But, how many times have you read the text and thought .. did they really just write that? Being in the dating world, this happens too often to me. My usually reaction is thinking O M G!!! …and then I copy and paste it to all my friends for their reactions.  We get a good laugh about it, and then it is usually brought up again at the next girls’ night out, for another good laugh! If you don’t believe it, see for yourself… these are exact quotes (any grammar or spelling mistakes came with the texts.)

1. We went out once. We actually had a nice time. I received this text a few days after we went out and the creep factor was too high to even respond:
   • Thinking about your loveliness. Hey!! Stop thinking of me, I’m tingling. ?
2. Since he lives over an hour away, he decided he was going to get a hotel room and stay over after our first date so that he didn’t have to drive home after (he claimed he had work in the area.)  After what seemed like a pretty good date and a good connection, this was the text I received the following morning:
   • Gm. So since we are straight shooters…I’m very disappointed that you didn’t come back to hotel w me. I’m the opposite I guess. I tried telling you I’m very sexual. The fact that you didn’t act on the attraction last night at our age was disappointing especially knowing that I don’t live close and it Would be weeks until I could see you again. If I was local i wouldn’t have been as disappointed knowing I could see you again very soon. Anyway have a good day. I’m leaving soon.
3. I was dating this guy steadily for a few months.  As he usually did, he asked when he was going to see me. We made plans for Wednesday. I received this text that Wednesday morning (he never reached out again and I never saw him again after this):
   • Hi Wendy, Hope you are having a great morning. I have to cancel this evening.  Helping out a friend move stuff.
4. We connected online. We made plans to meet and right before I was about to leave for the date, I received this text from him.
   • I assume you already heard from two of your good friends that I went on one date with them….. lots of stories to share!  (BTW- I had not!)
5. I never met this guy he wrote me once and then wrote this…
   • Driving on the parkway and caught myself in the naughtiest daydream. Lmao. What the hell.
6. This was five different texts… I never actually responded but he just kept on writing.
   • I’m 5-11. seriously heels are my weakness. do you like having your feet rubbed after being out all night? by a nice looking guy. Wendy if you took your heel off at dinner you can have me completely under your spell LOL.  Met any other guys with foot fetishes lately..:)
7. From a guy I had never met:
   • Good morning Wendy . This is David. Hope your day is going as beautiful as you are . l hope you woke up great ! I hope you woke up relieved from all the weeks stress and I hope you woke up with all the happiness you deserve ! When would be best for you to talk over the phone and I apologize for reaching out to you late . I’m sending warm wishes your way .
8. Another guy who I, once again, never met:
   • You have a wild side to you which you don’t show am I wrong…. really!!!?.   have you been with another woman be honest
9. He lives in another state. Since he lived far away, we had communicated a lot before we were going to meet. We had plans to meet the following week when he was coming to NY.
   • I can see your point about my mentioning that I’m well endowed.  That may be too much -it’s been an issue for me but perhaps timing off.

These usually leave me speechless so they usually do not get a response. But it is so worth the laughter and joy that my friends and I receive from them.  Keep in mind the next time you write a creepy text, reread and think to yourself, do I really want all of her friends to read this?? Because they will. Rethink before you hit the send button.

Wendy Wiener

Wendy works as a marketing analyst for a commercial real estate firm. She is a divorced mom of two teenage daughters, who is soon to be an empty nester as her younger daughter goes off to college. After sharing all of her crazy dating experiences with her friends over the years, they have finally convinced her to write them down and share them with the world. Wendy believes one day she will find her perfect match and is enjoying the crazy ride until then.