Help! This guy I’m dating is a total momma’s boy! Don’t get me wrong, I love that he loves his mom but it seems like she’s a 3rd person is our relationship. I’m not sure how to tell him without him getting defensive…and also, telling his mom!
Dear Anonymous –
DO NOT say ANYTHING to his mother. Telling her that her son is a momma’s boy is a sure fire way to never get in her good graces and probably end the relationship. Years ago my mom told me something that has stayed with me and proved to be true. She said that men treat women the way they treat their mothers.
When my friends complain about their mothers-in-law, I always explain this to them, and they always agree that it’s true and it usually makes them feel better. You should appreciate the fact that he respects his mother and treats her the way he does and, in turn, probably treats you the same way. As your relationship progresses you should become more of a priority, but his mom will probably always be a big priority in his life. Find a way to embrace it. If there are certain instances that you’d prefer she not be involved in, then tell him specifically. If you ask him to choose, you will almost always lose and it will always cause problems in the future. Keep her on your side. You may have a hard time with her now, but you will appreciate her and probably be thankful for her in the future.
Dear Wendy –
I’m dating a guy who I really like and it’s going well however, he’s a ‘drinking enthusiast‘ and takes it to another level every time we go out. How can I tell him that his behavior is inappropriate without him thinking I’m a party pooper?
– Too Much
Dear Too Much –
Sit down and have a calm conversation with him about his behavior.
Do not have this conversation with him while he is drinking. Save the conversation for when the two of you are alone and he isn’t drinking. How you both handle this situation is a tell tale sign of how you two will handle other touchy situations in the future. Make sure not to criticize him or yell at him, but explain that his actions after he drinks are inappropriate and makes you uncomfortable. Let him know that he is a lot of fun but then takes it a little too far. Hopefully, you can show him from your perspective how things look, and he will understand how you feel and curtail his drinking and/or his behavior. If not, you need to decide how important this issue is to you. If he isn’t willing to see your point of view, is it just this situation or is he unwilling to compromise in other situations as well? The way he handles this situation (good or bad) could be a tell-tale sign of things to come. Don’t ever be afraid to have that tough conversation. Good-luck!
Wendy works as a marketing analyst for a commercial real estate firm. She is a divorced mom of two teenage daughters, who is soon to be an empty nester as her younger daughter goes off to college. After sharing all of her crazy dating experiences with her friends over the years, they have finally convinced her to write them down and share them with the world. Wendy believes one day she will find her perfect match and is enjoying the crazy ride until then.