I remember years ago, after my first child was born (she is now 12 by the way, so yes, I’m accepting prayers), thinking to myself that at some point I would transition in to this whole “Mom” persona… As if I would wake up one morning to find my Golden Girls membership card in the mail, complete with a new pair of Mom jeans and I would rock the front butt in those things and be amazing in it all. Somehow I just didn’t quite feel like I fit in to this whole “Mom” thing. Because it didn’t seem so darn hard…. And I looked pretty good, even still shopped the “juniors’ section.”  Well, let’s just go ahead and fast forward right out of my 20’s in flop in to these years I’ll call my 30somethings. Not saying it isn’t great, because I have my great-ish days, but my gosh if I knew then what I knew now. (and I just sounded like a whole grandma…. ugh)

Honestly, I think it’s happened… I think I have hit, what I like to refer to as, my Mom-Life Crisis. Most days I wake up on auto pilot. I lay in the bed until the VERY last minute. And I know this is going to make our morning INSANE, but I do it day after day… because it takes a LOT to get myself up and motivated to argue with my “tween-ager” that she has to come down from her loft bed. Then wrangle my 3-year-old daughter in to whatever she wants to wear, because let’s be honest here, I am picking my battles. Once I make it to the door, heading to work for a full day, I turn around to lock up and wonder why it looks like a tornado has just run through my house!? I know I just spent the entire night before picking random things up and organizing… And how is the sink full of dishes? Who the hell is even eating all this crap?!

I grumble to myself, tote everything to the car, spill a little coffee on myself (of course), buckle the little in, close the car door, annnnnnnd we’re off. First the nugget is dropped off, then the meatball at school. It’s over an hour commute. I work all day long, commute again with these two MAD animals who are HANGRY, because we get home by 6:30pm. It’s like the movie Groundhogs Day, Same old thing, different day. On the weekends I have these amazing meal plan “plans”, picture perfect ideas of me getting up to make breakfasts, following all of the peachy Mom Pinterest things to make life easy, because it obviously works for some people… Or does it??

Everyone says “You have to make time for you.” How the hell is that even doable?! HOW DO YOU PEOPLE DO IT?!?! I barely have time to flat iron my hair, seriously. I don’t even have a “tribe.” And how do you find one of these “tribes” at this point in your life? Do you just randomly walk up to a frazzled Mom at the grocery store and say “hey… you wanna maybe text me to whine about not having anything to do with the ZERO free time we both have? And then do nothing about it, because…. Kids, work, life” Come on ladies, let’s just take a moment and admit that we have all been in this very moment… Some of us (myself included) are in this very moment right now. Judgement free zone here.

Is this it? Is this life? Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my girls, more than the air I breathe. But aren’t I more than just “Mom?” More than a Wife? More than an employee? Some days I don’t even know who I am, I feel like Mr. Krabs. (On the episode where his shell falls off, and he is a big flabby lump of old crab) I’m Mr. Krab’s empty shell, just winging life, motherhood, my outfit, my random gray hairs popping out, hell even my mustache which can often begin to look like the Monopoly Man’s. How do you find that perfect balance when you have no free time for living life outside of your responsibility?

Unrealistic expectations of what we as women, mothers and wives are such a huge issue for me and my personal expectations of who I should be. Please, don’t make me feel like a turd nugget because my kid is watching other kids play with toys on YouTube. Because, my friends, it’s ok… I need a minute to make her Mac and Cheese! And THAT is ok too. (fed is best, right) Maybe, just maybe, if I can find a tribe of other moms who are just doing the best they can to juggle this balancing act, I can find self-acceptance. And in this whole crazy process fill up this empty shell of who I am and what I feel like is missing. Maybe then this Mom Life Crisis will, instead, become more like a Mom Life Adventure…