When We Want What We Can't Have - Living the Second Act

I am obsessed with Deal and Steals on Good Morning America. Every Thursday morning I stop what I am doing as soon as Tori Johnson says hello to me through my TV. Each week I hope that there will be some great bargain that I can order online.

Last Thursday was no exception. Tori began with a few deals that I was not interested in, and then she walked over to the “Peepers” reading glasses table. She has had this deal before and I have bought a few of these cute little readers for 50 percent of the original price. I now need multiple pairs (I am 53 and my eyesight is not what it used to be.) Neither is my memory and I tend to misplace my glasses often.

As soon as I had a moment, I looked online at the glasses they were offering. I wasn’t thrilled with the styles I saw. There was only one that I would consider buying but I didn’t bother.

Later that day, I reconsidered and went back on the site to purchase the one pair of glasses that I had thought were OK. When I clicked to buy, there was a message that said SOLD OUT.

Sold out? How can they be sold out? I hadn’t thought they were anything spectacular. I guess a lot of other people did. Suddenly, these silly little glasses were fabulous to me. I had to have them. They must look gorgeous on if they were so popular.

Thankfully, I was able to backorder them. I will not have them for weeks but I will eventually have these “must-have” glasses. Whew!

Why do we want what we can’t have? Why do things that didn’t interest us suddenly become interesting when they are wanted by others?

The glasses incident reminded me of a relationship I was in. People also tend to become more attractive to us when we cannot have them.

I had been casually dating a guy for awhile. Nice guy, attractive, we always had a good time together. But for whatever reason, I was “just not that into him.” The relationship went on casually for some time but I knew that he wanted more than I did. I didn’t think it was fair to either of us to continue so I ended things. I knew I had done the right thing.

A couple of months went by and I heard through the grapevine that he had a new girlfriend. My initial reaction was happiness for him. He really was a good guy and he deserved to be in a great relationship. End of story.

Not so fast -.through the magic of social media, I began to see pictures of the happy couple. Hmmm. She was pretty and he did look quite happy. Little by little I felt jealousy creeping in.

I reminded myself time after time that this was MY decision. It was how I had wanted things. But I was beginning to think I had made a mistake. This woman seemed to see something that I didn’t.

This feeling was amplified when I accidentally ran into him (not with her thankfully.). He looked good, he was super sweet, and I walked away confirming to myself that I had made a big mistake. So I called him and told him. His reaction was total shock. Once he realized what I was saying, his reaction was, “You only want me because someone else does.”

He wasn’t wrong. I probably never would have reconsidered our relationship if he hadn’t met someone else. He was wrong about something though – he believed that if he went back to me, I would dump him as soon as I got him. So he stayed with her. I was extremely sad.

You never know what will happen. What did happen was that he did not love this other girl. Months later, once he realized this, he and I worked things out.

This was a happy ending, but that is not how it always happens. Sometimes when you want something only because you can’t have it, you don’t get it.

I only hope I am just as happy with my glasses when they arrive.