My Mother, A Medium and Letting Go

Did you watch Bewitched or I Dream of Jeannie? Every week. I would plant my pigtailed self on the scratchy basement carpet, super close to the TV (yup kids, television sets were small back then), and fixate on the magical powers that each of these women would use each week to get themselves into and out of a plethora of jams.

Despite the hokey nature of both shows, I believed that if I tried hard enough – wiggling my nose and crossing my arms – I would one day find my own magical powers. I was young and hopeful and wanted my life to be filled with adventure and romance. Without the Internet or cell phones, my imagination was in the driver’s seat. Something otherworldly would befall me, if I could just perfect my nose twitch.

Life happened. I grew up, got married and had a family. Not once did I think about crossing my arms or rubbing a genie bottle to alter my situation. Anything out of the ordinary didn’t fit into my young mom life. The desire for magic power was replaced with real-life events – working, taking care of my family, and being a responsible adult.

My kids left the nest, I grew older and moved into my second act. I lost both of my parents and any semblance of family I ever had. I was tired of being angry about all the loss.

So I scheduled an appointment with a medium.

Her reputation as an astute woman who can communicate with spirits is widely known in my community. And I have always liked her. She is even-keeled, kind and compassionate. If I was going to believe in magic again, I trusted that she could deliver.

I tensed up on the drive over and wondered if my mother’s spirit would want to hear what I had to say. After all, confrontation was never her thing. And I wanted answers to some very unpleasant questions.

It’s hard to imagine that we can communicate with people who have passed away.

It doesn’t really compute in the mortal world. Even though I love the movie Ghost, it lacks the trappings of reality. Embarking on this journey, with a person whose sixth sense is widely revered, didn’t guarantee that I would be able to learn all the “whys”, but I had faith that it would be more than a Hollywood fantasy.

We sat together in a dark room. Light poked through the shades illuminating neatly stacked Tarot Cards and a variety of candles. I quieted my mind and tried to sit still, hoping it would give the medium space to find my family.

For those who have never done this, spirits are seen and heard by the medium, who disseminates the information. Some details are very specific, which can help identify the spirit.

My grandmother was dressed impeccably and my father was listening to Frank Sinatra. Specific enough for me to identify them. My grandmother asked me to “let it go” and my father folded a letter and told me how much he loved me. I knew they were both talking about my mother and what she had done.

And then a woman “with good legs” entered the room. She described the details of her death, translated through the medium. Details of my mother’s death that were not public. I didn’t want to hear it all again. Why am I here, I thought? I changed my mind and wanted to run. This isn’t a good idea. This isn’t magic. It’s torture.

“Why?” I said aloud, even though I really wasn’t supposed to be talking. My mother heard me and answered. She told the medium about having dementia (something our family didn’t know but speculated about) and that she didn’t mean to do, and say, the things that she did. She continued with an apology, a declaration of love and a strange out-of-body hug. I was simultaneously speechless and hysterical. I didn’t cry much after she died. During my session, however, I went through a box of tissues.

Since my visit, I feel strangely better. Was it real? To me it was. To me it was medicine. Even though I forgave her months ago, her behavior continued to weigh heavily on my mind. I may not have twitched my nose like Samantha or folded my arms like Jeannie, but I believe that hearing her apology helped me let go of my anger. And if I am going to have a successful second act, peace and love must be the foundation.

Have you ever experienced a session with a medium? Had your cards read? Are you thinking about pursuing something like this? Please comment below.