I recently saw a story on how when you become a mom, you make new friends and lose the old ones.
Somehow, I am lucky enough to have both old and new friends.
My group of mom friends came together when my oldest daughter was just nine months old. I took a baby class and poof! I met my people. From that moment on, we were a tight group.
I also had a tight group back in high school but, during those early years of marriage and babies, I did lose touch with my old friends. We married different people at different times, and moved to various towns and states. Life happens and friends fall away, even when it is unintentional.
Some years ago, through the magic of the early days of Facebook, we found each other again, and it was like a single moment hadn’t passed. For the past 12 or so years, we speak all the time and get together whenever possible. We may no longer live around the corner from one another, but when we are together, it is as if we are 16 again and easily fall into our old habits and routines. And the laughter, I laugh so hard that I cry when I am with them. It is one of the best feelings in the world.
Reuniting with my old friends did not diminish the love I have for my new ones (although they are not so new anymore, it has been 22 years!). These women and I have lived through our children’s childhood, and now young adulthood, together. To be there for each other through those years is a true test of friendship and we have all made it with flying colors.
In a recent interview with “Friends” creator Marta Kauffman, she said “the show is about that time in your life when your friends are your family”.
I don’t necessarily think that ever has to end.
Yes, we grow up and we start our own families. My family is the most important thing in the world to me. But I look at my nearest and dearest friends as an extension of my family. No, we do not hang around in a coffee house all day. We don’t even speak every day, sometimes not every week. But I know that they would do anything for me, and the feeling is entirely mutual.
My life has not been the easiest but, in the friend department, I consider myself very fortunate. Girls can be mean, and I’m not just talking about middle school. Women can be cliquey too, and there have been countless articles tackling the topic of “finding your tribe”. It’s not always easy. Finding your place at any age is a very big challenge for many.
To have found my place not once, but twice, has been one of my greatest gifts.
Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, the other is gold.
To me, they are both gold, maybe even platinum. I don’t know what I did to deserve the wonderful friends in my life, but I am so very thankful for them all.
Stacy was a stay-at-home mom/part-time preschool teacher whose life was turned upside down in 2011 when her husband passed away suddenly of a heart attack. She is raising her two fabulous daughters, who are turning into wonderful young women. In 2016, she started a blog about her experience as a young widow, The Widow Wears Pink. This led her to write for other publications including Huffington Post, Today.com, Scary Mommy, Grown & Flown, Kveller, Modern Loss, Thought Catalog, and many more. In 2018 she started Living the Second Act with fellow writer Mimi Golub. Today, Stacy and her daughters are happily living their “new normal” while always keeping her husband’s spirit alive.
