When you are unhappy with the circumstances of your life, or going through a tragedy or just a hard time, it can be difficult to see everyone around you posting how deliriously happy they are all the time.
Author Stacy Feintuch
More recently, Prince and David Bowie both passed away. Again, icons that I grew up with, music that is such a part of my life. I was very sad about both.
The death of David Bowie hit me in a different way.
She saved the hardest subjects for the last minute, and when she finally went to do it, she got extremely overwhelmed. It was too much work and not enough time.
Of course I do not expect to wake up with a huge smile on my face every day but when that old panicky feeling comes back, it is horrible. Once it happens, it is hard to shake for the whole day.
My last few summers just haven’t been the same. The summer partner I had for 20 years was no longer here to enjoy it with me.
But what is not expected and sometimes not understood is the anger. Being angry is the thing I struggled with the most.
I thought about it and decided it was time for a change. I was very hesitant about this – I’m not a big fan of change – and there had been a lot of that in my life recently.
Others might do fundraising with some type of sporting event, walk-a-thon etc., but not the Feintuch girls! We are the three most unathletic girls on the planet so that would not really work well for us. So we decided to do shopping events.
It was as if my Amanda wasn’t there anymore and what replaced her was an angry, closed off stranger. She didn’t even look like herself.
I can’t help thinking that I should have been nicer, done more etc.. I also wonder if her closest friends did more for her, were more supportive. Then I think about my kids when Howie died.