We hung around the apartment until 10 PM and then showered to be ready to leave by 11 PM. I put on one of my many black scoop neck body suits, high wasted Big John jeans, and my Justin cowboy boots. I used the diffuser on my blow dryer to blow my hair so that it was curly and fell to the side.
Author Stacy Feintuch
I put on my bikini, pulled my hair up into a scrunchy, and grabbed my Laura Biagiotti sunglasses. We sat on our plastic lounge chairs and put on lots of baby oil.
There are many times when I need to make a decision on my own, and I think to myself, “What would Howie have done?”. Sometimes these questions concern me personally, but most of the time they are decisions about our girls.
I want their memories of him to be as vivid as possible. I still have many family pictures up in our house. I also have boxes and boxes of pictures put away, which they do look at often.
I think having only one parent may have turned them into the two laziest girls on the face of the planet. I do everything for them – laundry, dinners, dishes, cleaning up. taking care of the dog (and they wonder why he loves me best).
Living and being alive are two different things. Everything I did was because I had to, not because I wanted to. I was faking it.
For a while I only saw this perfect girl, as I’m sure the rest of the world also did. But little by little, I got to know the real Jeri. Still beautiful, and still sweet and loving. But she wasn’t the perfect, happy girl that she appeared to be. There was a sadness in her.
Holidays are always a reminder that someone is missing. Plus, New Year’s Eve completely sucks when you are alone.
Going through such a tragedy changes you, and it has changed me. I don’t think I could be that person that I was five years ago.
Thanksgiving as a widow became a depressing day for me. I hated it those first couple of years. I knew there was a chair missing and it made me sad.