I began taking personal offense to each drink my mother had, each cheap plastic vodka bottle I found hidden in her closet.

I can remember times where utilities in the house would be turned off, non-stop bill collectors calling, and even some showing up at our house.

When that date arrived, we did what has become strangely common… we gathered closely around our computer, while my younger daughter sat patiently waiting to record what we hoped would be one of our happiest moments. 

At that moment I pretty much resigned myself to the fact that my childhood dreams of having babies was over.

He had gone off in a corner somewhere and was nowhere to be seen when we began to eat. As we sat in the dining room eating and talking, we had no idea what was going on in the kitchen. 

Following our first wedding anniversary, we went in for our third attempt at an egg retrieval for IVF. On the way to the clinic I shook my head and said, “this is just never going to work.”

He’s not the kind of kid who’s into sports, as a player or a fan, and never has been. He’s more interested in other things, like music and computers, and goes to football games only because he’s a member of the marching band.

At 50, I have two teenage daughters coming of age in a world where women and men are still not equal. Not even fucking close.

My cousin taught me to love the act of cooking and entertaining. She made me realize that it doesn’t always have to be a fancy tablecloth or state-of-the-art appliances to make dinner perfect.