Dr. Margaret Rutherford, a clinical psychologist, has practiced for twenty-five years in Fayetteville, Arkansas., Her work can be found at https://DrMargaretRutherford.com, as well as HuffPost, Psych Central, Psychology Today, the Gottman Blog and others. She's the author of "Marriage Is Not For Chickens", a perfect gift book on marriage, and hosts a weekly podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Her new book, Perfectly Hidden Depression, will be published by New Harbinger in 2019.
You learn about anger in the family you grow up in; you watch and listen to the adults around you who model for you how and when to express it.
Many people break up and reconcile. Break up and reconcile. Break up and reconcile. These relationships can be quite dramatic, and in fact for some the very chaos of that pattern can be addictive.
She is your mother. And often, you desire a relationship with her. You want her to know your own children, but not to influence them negatively. You have to figure out how to be in the relationship as an adult, not as a child.
And then, you begin to weave a story — a fairy tale basically — of how things will be — what will happen next — and how it will be wonderful. The things you’re a little uncomfortable with? They will change for the better.